Listening at Work By Ter Scott
I want to share with you my thoughts about listening at work. I understand that this is a bit of a play on words since the word “work” in this case has two meanings. If you were listening just now to your inner thoughts as you read that line, your listening hopefully was at “work”. I’ll discuss how to improve your overall listening skills too while I specifically deal with using listening skills where you work. My other definition of the meaning of “work” is the “world” where you are employed. As a marketing consultant, I stress to my clients that our work world doesn’t really have a beginning or end, or any kind of boundary. When one works at a business, if you are seen at a grocery store, a bar, or anywhere in the world, people still associate you with the business and the vice versa. I feel that I also need to preface these words about listening in the workplace with another thought: remember that we are all self-employed. Whether we sign our own paychecks as when owning our own business or if someone else signs it because we are punching their time clock, we are in charge of our own destiny and incomes. Our listening needs to be at “work” when we are at “work” which really is a 24/7 job!
Listening is important in whatever profession we are involved in, and you will find that the positions with higher earning potential, will have the greater the need for higher honed listening skills. When you’ve seen a successful salesperson driving that nice car because he or she is earning a high income to deserve such a ride, you may think they are getting all this money and prestige because they are great “talkers”. But would you agree for a moment that to make even one sales transaction, that they too must be good listeners? And the better listener they are, the more sales they can make, earning them a higher income? Also, I’ve never really met a brain surgeon but I’m thinking that they too make a lot of money because they are highly skilled. I would hope that they are also good listeners because I’d hate to have them operate without first hearing what the patient’s needs are and then being very sure to be listening for understanding as well!
The place you work can be a great learning lab; “people watching” can be fun as long as you get your usual work completed, and as long as we are not hurting anyone and your intentions are noble. To listen well, we can work on knowing and improving our own body language, and observing and decoding that of others. I learned some time ago that no one really does not see him/herself as others do. I remember being an extra in the movie: Foolin’ Around starring Gary Busey, Annette O’Toole (spelling) and a bunch of other stars. Anyway, I had a part in which I walked past Cloris Leachman, and said a short line. I never saw the movie until I rented it from a video store years later. Since the scene was filmed with my back to the camera, I wondered if that was indeed me or if perhaps someone else was later chosen to do my part. My wife assured me, “No that’s you, no one else walks that way!”. A video camera (or a full feature film) is a great tool reviewing to see ourselves how we actually are, communicating with our own body language.
Are we really happy to accept an assignment at work or is our body language telling our employer the real story? A speaker uses words and body language to “encode” a message in the best way for the listener to decode. In turn, we should strive to use our best body language communication skills when listening to decode his/her message. We can lean in closer, face the person we are speaking (or listening) to, and maintain eye “communication”. The opposite pose of leaning away and looking away would convey our disinterest. By improving body language skills when listening, you’ll be able to give the speaker your full attention physically, mentally, and visually.
Ask yourself what the other person’s body language is telling you? Does their actions match their words? Are you able to decode their message without confusion? What is the other person thinking, are they thinking or reacting, how will they respond to your actions, if you do this, what will they do? A short course in body language can assist you in becoming a better communicator. And, don’t be overly concerned about the cost to educate you in taking such courses, as they will return dividends in the form of more friends and more income.
Don’t interrupt others verbally or internally. Most everyone needs to be reminded not to interrupt on a “physical level”. Sometimes when the communication is flowing so fast between the listener, speaker, speaker, then the listener, one may find they are finishing the speaker’s sentences! But remember also, that everything we do and say originates with our thoughts, as it’s created first in our mind. When we formulate what we will say next, we interrupt the physical conversation with our internal conversation. Then we are ready to interrupt verbally when the speaker takes a breath. To improve this, it takes a sincere effort on our part to fight this temptation, and really listen to “attend”. Then while doing so, concentrate on the speaker’s message, remember it, and then formulate a response after the person has finished his or her thought.
As a speaker, and a seeker, I like to learn from others so I really try to encourage them to talk. I already know what I know. We learn by listening to others. When I came to that realization, my listening improved. As a guitar player since the age of 15 and teaching at the age of 17, I can modestly state that I’m a pretty good player. Before I sincerely worked on this area in my listening skills, when someone would state they played guitar, I’d be anxious to tell them all about my own experiences. Intentionally or not, it may have seemed like I was more important by my talking about myself and my experiences. Sharing of course is fine with a balance of give and take in a conversation, but I’ve come up with a technique that works for me. I now use my experiences (in playing guitar or anything) to draw conversation from others. Many times as in this situation, I would not reveal that I’m a guitar player myself. Am I, or what I do, more important than the speaker? They are telling me about themselves. When they are speaking; they are the star for now. Why should I take this limelight away by my talking about myself? Later if they find out that I play, they feel good that I didn’t commandeer the entire conversation and lessen the brightness of their shining moment. They were allowed to speak about something they truly like talking about. (Plus, I usually learn something from the conversation as well)!
People like to speak about what they know and love, so let them speak. But in letting them speak, encourage them to do so by listening more with your two ears than you speak with your one mouth. You’ll be considered a great conversationalist when you do, whether at work or at play!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Listening is Learning
Listening is learning.
As a public speaker, I’m also a “seeker”- a seeker of knowledge that is! The best way I’ve found to seek this knowledge is from people. (Books are great too, but remember books originate with people). You may have heard it said that we all have two ears and one mouth, so that is the proportion in which we should use them! This is good advice as long as we are not just using our ears for “physical” listening. I’ll share a few thoughts here about the three styles of learning: audio, visual, and kinesthetic. If you too are a seeker of knowledge as I am; I’ll introduce you to how you can “listen” with your ears, your eyes, and your mind!
Listening is thought mostly as just a physical act, which is the “audio” learning style. Many of us are just as lazy in our listening, as we are in building any other part of our physical body. We can increase this listening “muscle” by first having the desire to build it. It requires a disciplined workout as well. Like most things, the start of this workout is desire. One needs to really want to hear what another is saying, before real listening can occur. Stephen Covey states in his book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, that one must first seek to understand, and then one can be understood. It’s easier to understand others when we deliberately put away any distractions so our attention is not divided. There may be external room noises or even internal noises which are thoughts that compete for our attention instead of the message of our speaker. Putting all distractions aside helps in being a much better listener.
You may be wondering how one “hears” with their eyes. I’m referring to what is commonly called body language. Although the meaning of body language changes with cultures just as any vocal language does, your eyes can tell you if a person is serious, happy or sad, or any emotion in the wide range of the other one thousand expressions one may use. Just as the need of attending is so important when listening with our ears, we should look closely to read the signals people visually present. This is called observing. This week why not practice “observing”, and not just “looking” when you communicate with someone. Note their expressions, gestures, and mannerisms. Are their expressions matching their words? I learned a lesson in observation when one time as a parlor game, the host came around the room with a tray of familiar items and asked everyone to remember them. We all expected to be asked how many items we could name. Many were later stumped when we were asked just one question: “What was the color of the tray”? Another time I was astonished to learn that when Helen Keller would ask husbands the color of the wife’s eyes that a very large percentage of them could not remember!
Finally, we need to listen with our mind. This is using the kinesthetic learning style, which is the learning style of “touch” and “senses”. (I’m sure you’ve heard it said to “get in touch with one’s senses”). Here’s one technique that I created to help myself get to know others and improve my everyday communications. I share it here with you so that if you really want to improve your listening skills, you can choose to start this practice as a “life assignment” this week. Be sure to keep track of each time you’ve used it, and with whom, on a 3x5 card you carry. Later, evaluate how each episode went. Do this several weeks and it will become such a positive habit that you will use it regularly to gain increased respect and further opportunities to learn and improve.
Here it is, I call it the “Series of 3”. First ask someone a question. Then listen intently. Read that sentence again- listen intently using your mind, concentrate on the other person. In this moment, “it’s all about them”. Avoid any temptation to formulate your response while the other person is speaking. This takes concentration… and practice! Now, because you’ve truly listened to the response to this first question (which is what we call “attending”), you’re ready for question two. Ask something that is related to what the speaker just stated. This way you are digging deeper, using your mind and “getting in touch” with his/her thoughts. After the speaker answers your second question, ask a third and final question; which of course should be related to the response to your second question. Coming up with questions two and three shouldn’t be hard when you are indeed listening! This does take practice to remember to do and do it well; so you don’t come across as if you are interrogating the person. Just be you. Make it a habit to ask everyone you see the series of three.
I don’t think Dale Carnegie was using my “series of 3” technique in his book: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, when he speaks of a time he simply asked questions of a guest at a dinner party. He simply asked questions about the other person and never said a thing about himself all evening, but simply one question spawned another question and on and on the evening went. When the party was over, the person who did most all of the speaking stated, “You sure are a great conversationalist”!
I’ve only touched on a few basics about the three learning styles and how they can improve your listening skills, which will in turn improve your communication with others, thereby creating a long chain reaction of positive growth in all areas of your life. But I hope I’ve motivated you to find out more about the audio, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles to do a little research on your own. Start improving your listening skills today and soon you’ll be considered… a great conversationalist!
Ter Scott is a public speaker specializing in Marketing, and Customer Service. He is available for Keynotes, Seminars, and Consulting at www.terscott.com or by calling 800-211-1202 Ext. 18348
For more information about improving your listening skills, I recommend visiting Scott Ginsberg’s blog: http://hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com/2008/04/17-behaviors-to-avoid-for-effective.html to read: 17 Behaviors to Avoid for Effective Listening and ...
William Harryman’s blog: http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2008/03/tips-for-effective-listening-skills.html to read: Tips for Effective Listening Skills.
Please tell them Ter Scott sent you!
As a public speaker, I’m also a “seeker”- a seeker of knowledge that is! The best way I’ve found to seek this knowledge is from people. (Books are great too, but remember books originate with people). You may have heard it said that we all have two ears and one mouth, so that is the proportion in which we should use them! This is good advice as long as we are not just using our ears for “physical” listening. I’ll share a few thoughts here about the three styles of learning: audio, visual, and kinesthetic. If you too are a seeker of knowledge as I am; I’ll introduce you to how you can “listen” with your ears, your eyes, and your mind!
Listening is thought mostly as just a physical act, which is the “audio” learning style. Many of us are just as lazy in our listening, as we are in building any other part of our physical body. We can increase this listening “muscle” by first having the desire to build it. It requires a disciplined workout as well. Like most things, the start of this workout is desire. One needs to really want to hear what another is saying, before real listening can occur. Stephen Covey states in his book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, that one must first seek to understand, and then one can be understood. It’s easier to understand others when we deliberately put away any distractions so our attention is not divided. There may be external room noises or even internal noises which are thoughts that compete for our attention instead of the message of our speaker. Putting all distractions aside helps in being a much better listener.
You may be wondering how one “hears” with their eyes. I’m referring to what is commonly called body language. Although the meaning of body language changes with cultures just as any vocal language does, your eyes can tell you if a person is serious, happy or sad, or any emotion in the wide range of the other one thousand expressions one may use. Just as the need of attending is so important when listening with our ears, we should look closely to read the signals people visually present. This is called observing. This week why not practice “observing”, and not just “looking” when you communicate with someone. Note their expressions, gestures, and mannerisms. Are their expressions matching their words? I learned a lesson in observation when one time as a parlor game, the host came around the room with a tray of familiar items and asked everyone to remember them. We all expected to be asked how many items we could name. Many were later stumped when we were asked just one question: “What was the color of the tray”? Another time I was astonished to learn that when Helen Keller would ask husbands the color of the wife’s eyes that a very large percentage of them could not remember!
Finally, we need to listen with our mind. This is using the kinesthetic learning style, which is the learning style of “touch” and “senses”. (I’m sure you’ve heard it said to “get in touch with one’s senses”). Here’s one technique that I created to help myself get to know others and improve my everyday communications. I share it here with you so that if you really want to improve your listening skills, you can choose to start this practice as a “life assignment” this week. Be sure to keep track of each time you’ve used it, and with whom, on a 3x5 card you carry. Later, evaluate how each episode went. Do this several weeks and it will become such a positive habit that you will use it regularly to gain increased respect and further opportunities to learn and improve.
Here it is, I call it the “Series of 3”. First ask someone a question. Then listen intently. Read that sentence again- listen intently using your mind, concentrate on the other person. In this moment, “it’s all about them”. Avoid any temptation to formulate your response while the other person is speaking. This takes concentration… and practice! Now, because you’ve truly listened to the response to this first question (which is what we call “attending”), you’re ready for question two. Ask something that is related to what the speaker just stated. This way you are digging deeper, using your mind and “getting in touch” with his/her thoughts. After the speaker answers your second question, ask a third and final question; which of course should be related to the response to your second question. Coming up with questions two and three shouldn’t be hard when you are indeed listening! This does take practice to remember to do and do it well; so you don’t come across as if you are interrogating the person. Just be you. Make it a habit to ask everyone you see the series of three.
I don’t think Dale Carnegie was using my “series of 3” technique in his book: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, when he speaks of a time he simply asked questions of a guest at a dinner party. He simply asked questions about the other person and never said a thing about himself all evening, but simply one question spawned another question and on and on the evening went. When the party was over, the person who did most all of the speaking stated, “You sure are a great conversationalist”!
I’ve only touched on a few basics about the three learning styles and how they can improve your listening skills, which will in turn improve your communication with others, thereby creating a long chain reaction of positive growth in all areas of your life. But I hope I’ve motivated you to find out more about the audio, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles to do a little research on your own. Start improving your listening skills today and soon you’ll be considered… a great conversationalist!
Ter Scott is a public speaker specializing in Marketing, and Customer Service. He is available for Keynotes, Seminars, and Consulting at www.terscott.com or by calling 800-211-1202 Ext. 18348
For more information about improving your listening skills, I recommend visiting Scott Ginsberg’s blog: http://hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com/2008/04/17-behaviors-to-avoid-for-effective.html to read: 17 Behaviors to Avoid for Effective Listening and ...
William Harryman’s blog: http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2008/03/tips-for-effective-listening-skills.html to read: Tips for Effective Listening Skills.
Please tell them Ter Scott sent you!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
