Listening is Learning

Listening is learning.
As a public speaker, I’m also a “seeker”- a seeker of knowledge that is! The best way I’ve found to seek this knowledge is from people. (Books are great too, but remember books originate with people). You may have heard it said that we all have two ears and one mouth, so that is the proportion in which we should use them! This is good advice as long as we are not just using our ears for “physical” listening. I’ll share a few thoughts here about the three styles of learning: audio, visual, and kinesthetic. If you too are a seeker of knowledge as I am; I’ll introduce you to how you can “listen” with your ears, your eyes, and your mind!

Listening is thought mostly as just a physical act, which is the “audio” learning style. Many of us are just as lazy in our listening, as we are in building any other part of our physical body. We can increase this listening “muscle” by first having the desire to build it. It requires a disciplined workout as well. Like most things, the start of this workout is desire. One needs to really want to hear what another is saying, before real listening can occur. Stephen Covey states in his book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, that one must first seek to understand, and then one can be understood. It’s easier to understand others when we deliberately put away any distractions so our attention is not divided. There may be external room noises or even internal noises which are thoughts that compete for our attention instead of the message of our speaker. Putting all distractions aside helps in being a much better listener.

You may be wondering how one “hears” with their eyes. I’m referring to what is commonly called body language. Although the meaning of body language changes with cultures just as any vocal language does, your eyes can tell you if a person is serious, happy or sad, or any emotion in the wide range of the other one thousand expressions one may use. Just as the need of attending is so important when listening with our ears, we should look closely to read the signals people visually present. This is called observing. This week why not practice “observing”, and not just “looking” when you communicate with someone. Note their expressions, gestures, and mannerisms. Are their expressions matching their words? I learned a lesson in observation when one time as a parlor game, the host came around the room with a tray of familiar items and asked everyone to remember them. We all expected to be asked how many items we could name. Many were later stumped when we were asked just one question: “What was the color of the tray”? Another time I was astonished to learn that when Helen Keller would ask husbands the color of the wife’s eyes that a very large percentage of them could not remember!

Finally, we need to listen with our mind. This is using the kinesthetic learning style, which is the learning style of “touch” and “senses”. (I’m sure you’ve heard it said to “get in touch with one’s senses”). Here’s one technique that I created to help myself get to know others and improve my everyday communications. I share it here with you so that if you really want to improve your listening skills, you can choose to start this practice as a “life assignment” this week. Be sure to keep track of each time you’ve used it, and with whom, on a 3x5 card you carry. Later, evaluate how each episode went. Do this several weeks and it will become such a positive habit that you will use it regularly to gain increased respect and further opportunities to learn and improve.

Here it is, I call it the “Series of 3”. First ask someone a question. Then listen intently. Read that sentence again- listen intently using your mind, concentrate on the other person. In this moment, “it’s all about them”. Avoid any temptation to formulate your response while the other person is speaking. This takes concentration… and practice! Now, because you’ve truly listened to the response to this first question (which is what we call “attending”), you’re ready for question two. Ask something that is related to what the speaker just stated. This way you are digging deeper, using your mind and “getting in touch” with his/her thoughts. After the speaker answers your second question, ask a third and final question; which of course should be related to the response to your second question. Coming up with questions two and three shouldn’t be hard when you are indeed listening! This does take practice to remember to do and do it well; so you don’t come across as if you are interrogating the person. Just be you. Make it a habit to ask everyone you see the series of three.

I don’t think Dale Carnegie was using my “series of 3” technique in his book: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, when he speaks of a time he simply asked questions of a guest at a dinner party. He simply asked questions about the other person and never said a thing about himself all evening, but simply one question spawned another question and on and on the evening went. When the party was over, the person who did most all of the speaking stated, “You sure are a great conversationalist”!

I’ve only touched on a few basics about the three learning styles and how they can improve your listening skills, which will in turn improve your communication with others, thereby creating a long chain reaction of positive growth in all areas of your life. But I hope I’ve motivated you to find out more about the audio, visual, and kinesthetic learning styles to do a little research on your own. Start improving your listening skills today and soon you’ll be considered… a great conversationalist!

Ter Scott is a public speaker specializing in Marketing, and Customer Service. He is available for Keynotes, Seminars, and Consulting at www.terscott.com or by calling 800-211-1202 Ext. 18348

For more information about improving your listening skills, I recommend visiting Scott Ginsberg’s blog: http://hellomynameisscott.blogspot.com/2008/04/17-behaviors-to-avoid-for-effective.html to read: 17 Behaviors to Avoid for Effective Listening and ...

William Harryman’s blog: http://integral-options.blogspot.com/2008/03/tips-for-effective-listening-skills.html to read: Tips for Effective Listening Skills.

Please tell them Ter Scott sent you!